The UnGlam Fam

I now blog at www.constantcircus.wordpress.com!

The difficulty of a Difficult Kid.

2 Comments

As far as labels go, V could possibly be classified as a “difficult kid”. The problem with labels is that no one can really compare my difficult with another person’s. I could have the most laid-back, logical, un-insane kid, but if I choose to call him difficult there’s no way to dispute me. There’s a lot of hoo-ha about labeling kids and how it messes with their self esteem — indeed their life! — but this seems to be the problem only with perceived negative labels. After all, I haven’t heard of anybody calling the CPS over labeling someone a fantastic child or a talented little person, and so on.

V knows that he’s picky. He agrees that he has a quick temper that turns him into a mean person. He sometimes even tells me that he realizes when he’s being illogical and argumentative but can’t seem to stop doing it. We are constantly working on that. We have both come to realize his triggers and most times when he’s unable to react to situations in a non-disruptive way, I have learned to diffuse them in various ways.

Yesterday, though, I couldn’t. I yelled at him like I haven’t in a while. I grabbed him by his shoulders too hard. I shoved him. I punched the bed a few times right in front of him because I couldn’t punch him. I got so mad I almost cried. I’d totally lost it. And the worst part was I knew in my mind all along that it wasn’t a behaviour I wanted him to emulate. I was being the exact same person that I wanted him NOT to be. That I’d worked with him all this time for him to be able to control this exact impulse that I could not control in myself. I. just. could. not. stop.

I was where he is so many times a week or month, and even I couldn’t stop myself. He’s 7, and I’m, well, older. I should know better. And I did. But I couldn’t  stop anyway.

If someone called me a difficult person, I could live with it. I could bear it knowing that someone still loves me even if they and I both know I’m difficult. And that’s my lesson from yesterday: V is my difficult kid, but he will be okay as long as he knows I’m always in his corner. My job is not to protect him from what everybody thinks of him — his own behaviour will influence that. My job is to be there for him, labels and all.

PS: I did go and apologize to him before he fell asleep (this all happened at bedtime), but I felt rotten for a long time after. Hopefully the scars will be all mine.

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Author: constantcircus

I'm a mother of two young boys. I love to write, cook and travel...in that order :) Here's the real us: a workaholic, introvert-in-an-extravert-job husband; a harried, extravert-but-stay-home wife; a 7-going-on-13-moody Boy1; and a still-sweet-but-act-older-than-4 Boy2. Maybe I should have called ours the hyphenated family. Hmm. We're leading a busy albeit decidedly unglam life, currently in the suburbs of Washington D.C. My youngest is finally in half-day preschool which gives me precious minutes to take a bathroom break, alone!, whenever I need to, as long as it's in the morning. After almost 7 years of constant washroom company, I'll take it! There are of course bigger family issues to resolve than the aforementioned as the kids get older, hence this blog. Hopefully, writing here will provide me an opportunity to document, vent, laugh off and look back on these fleeting moments that seem insurmountable right now but will inevitably fade from active memory over time. Also? I hope, for my sake, to review every book that I read from now on on these pages, in case I ever have the need to make intelligent conversation in public. No more, "hey, I know I've read this one but what was the story, again?" Yeah!

2 thoughts on “The difficulty of a Difficult Kid.

  1. About a week ago I totally lost it on Miles. In a way that made me feel so bad I almost cried (at my own reaction that is not at his behavior). I also did not hit him obviously but the tone and the words I used were not kind. I think about this a lot: how we label our kids be it outwordly or in our minds. I think sometimes the positive labels actually end up turning into expectations which may even be worse. Parenting is hard and so is growing up 🙂 but the reality is none of us are perfect and we just have to do our best and not be too big to apologize when we do wrong. I also explained to Miles how my behavior was inappropriate despite his behavior and also said I was sorry… so I feel you :).

  2. It is, isn’t it? It helps to remember, like you said, that growing up is hard. But dangit if I remember this when he’s being, well, him. It’s all very well to say that I should cut myself some slack but when the kid is asking for a hug and all I can say is “get away from me!?” it doesn’t do much for the immense guilt after.

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